


Until the end of the line

by WritingforTheAvengers



Series: Love rain [3]
Category: Avengers, Captain America, Iron Man - Fandom, Steve Rogers - Fandom, The Avengers, Tony Stark - Fandom
Genre: Captain America: The Winter Soldier, F/M, Fluffy, Just About Everything, Original Character(s), Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22996876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingforTheAvengers/pseuds/WritingforTheAvengers
Summary: Right after the battle of New York, you and Steve decided to head off for Washington DC to work at the SHIELD headquarters. The dynamic is different there, because even though he's America's favorite hero, you're still an agent with a lot more experience and a higher clearance level. Steve is still trying to figure out who to trust and who not, but it all breaks when he sees a face from the past.
Relationships: Captain America & Reader, Captain America x Reader, Steve Rogers & Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader, Tony Stark & Reader, tony stark x reader
Series: Love rain [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575448
Kudos: 10





	1. To kill or not to kill

After the battle of New York, Steve and you decided to head off to Washington D.C, the home of SHIELD. You got yourselves a cozy apartment in a nice neighborhood. Though Steve always wanted to go back to Brooklyn, he knew that there was still work that needed to be done, and so in a matter of days you two packed some bags and drove all the way there. 

Peggy’s state had worsened in a couple of years, and it was harder for her to remember the people around her. You still tried to visit her on a weekly basis, but the visits became monthly for both you and Steve. You knew she had a living relative, a niece that worked in SHIELD, so you two talked it over to bring her to D.C. 

Living together with Steve was fun. He was made for the house life, though he couldn’t understand well some of the objects that you had, like the always handy Roomba. It was like seeing an old man fighting with objects, but looking like a young person. Sometimes you recorded him to show him later how old he actually was.

It was 2014, and you had been in Washington for about a year when one day, out of a sudden, Steve walks into the apartment demanding answers.

“Did you know?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Know what?” You were lying on the bed, phone in your hand and a sheet mask on your face. It was a ridiculous sight, and if Steve wasn’t so angry, he would’ve laughed.

“Project Insight, of course. Did you know?”

“Yeah, I know a little,” you tilted your head to both sides. “Why? And how did you find out?” You cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Fury told me. Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked.

“Well, I happen to have a higher clearance level than you,” you explained in a plain voice, “and I don’t know everything about it,” you took of the fabric sheet from your face and made it into a ball. You walked towards the bin inside the bathroom “Project Insight is a secret,” you spoke louder, “not many people know about it, and those of us who know, don’t know everything. Fury would like to keep it that way. It’s called compart—”

“Compartmentalization. Nobody spills the secrets because nobody knows them all,” Steve repeated in a mocking voice Fury’s words as he rolled his bright blue eyes. “You should’ve shared this with me, I’m your partner.”

“Steve,” you cleared your throat, leaning on the frame of the door, “have you shared with me everything you did in the 40’s?” You rose your eyebrows. “I know the records, I’ve seen the SSR files, but as an agent myself I know there are some things you don’t write down in files. So tell me,” you pursed your lips into an inviting smile, “do you wanna share now or would you rather not?”

“It’s not the same—we were at war.”

“Steve, wars are silent. You know what happened with Loki. A lot of us never saw that coming, except Fury. What some of us knew was that there was an encounter with a literal god, with magical powers. Do you think I knew Thor had an evil brother? I found that out when he kidnapped Barton and Dr. Selvig. Secrets are good, secrets keep us safe. Fury knows what to share, when to share and with who to share.”

“Stop worshipping him,” he scolded.

“You stop demonizing him,” you shot back. “Fury’s not a bad guy. Did Colonel Phillips tell you everything? Did Aunt Peggy tell you everything? Were you told everything back then?” Steve fell silent. “Sharing is caring, but to care you don’t have to share everything,” you shrugged. “Let this go, Steve. Fury knows what he’s doing.”

You knew he was not going to let this go. Steve wasn’t that kind of person. And when he didn’t trust someone, he didn’t like to just leave it there; he would either confirm his doubts or change his mind, but letting it go just wasn’t in his dictionary.

You started arguing a lot about secrets and sharing. He always moved the conversation towards Fury and Project Insight. It had ruined a few breakfasts and dinner, but then it started ruining just about any free moment you had together. The last time was when you were working on some reports you still had to finish. He was teasing you about the things you had to omit in the description. You were on the living room, with your computer in your knees.

“Come on, you have to admit this is not right, (Y/N),” Steve sighed tiredly. “Project Insight cannot be the only way to protect the world. Fear doesn’t work, fear doesn’t win anything.”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” you tried to explain. “There are threats that we, as SHIELD, need to control. Unfortunately, there are so many that it’s hard to make a record on whether they are not so bad, mildly bad or terrible,” your eyes were still fixed on the screen, but it was only to avoid throwing the laptop at him. “Yes, we should do that, but it’s such a big world. You’re avoiding so many harm from happening with this that’s hard not to trust it.”

“This is wrong, (Y/N). I know you don’t believe what you just said. Besides, how many enemies does SHIELD really have? And why not using the Avengers for it? Why does Fury have this underground system when he can do the same and still be within legal limits?”

“Does it even matter?” You asked. “I don’t give big orders, I follow them, and I’m actually pretty good at that. I trust Fury because mom did, and so did Aunt Peggy. Things have been weird lately, but Steve, I feel like we’ve been fighting over this for so long that I don’t really wanna have this conversation again,” you shook your head. You had been fighting over SHIELD a few times before this one, and it was taking a toll on your relationship. It was the first time that you were torn between your job and your heart, they always went hand in hand. "Besides... the Avengers aren't exactly what we can call a group within legal limits. You and Banner are human experiments, that's not even morally acceptable."

“We need to have this conversation,” he said in a serious and worried voice. “I think there’s something wrong at SHIELD, and… I don’t know what it is, or how bad it is.”

“Steve,” you huffed in exhaustion and closed your laptop harshly, “even you had to do some nasty shit you didn’t like. And not only you, but your mates too… the Commandoes. Turns out they’re not so clean and they were not so clean after you went underwater. We do what we have to do to keep people safe, whether we fully agree with it or not. I’m really tired of this conversation repeating itself over and over again. You can tell your doubts to Fury, I’m really done with this.”

“Do you even know the targets SHIELD has?”

“I don’t need to,” you complained, “and I don’t want to if it’s gonna put me or you in danger,” you shrugged. “It’s not my job to know stuff. It’s not what I was hired for. Aunt Peggy and my mom knew stuff and did stuff, that was their job. Your job was to do stuff without questioning it, I’m sorry but you were made for that.”

“This is not 1945, (Y/N),” Steve pointed out. “The world has changed enough for me to know stuff from now on.”

“Yes, but hierarchy has not changed, and the SSR just changed names,” you sighed heavily. “I don’t wanna fight anymore, alright?” You stood up and headed to the kitchen.

“We’re not fighting, we’re talking about important things.”

“You know what?” You stopped and turned to look at him. “Fuck off, Steve,” you walked towards the door and closed it behind you with a loud slam. 

You texted Maria to let her know you’d be crashing her place from now on. You didn’t mean to tell him that, but it was the first thing that came out of your lips. You were exhausted, and yes, you knew SHIELD was living a real crisis, but you were told to not say a thing. It was hard to not tell Steve such important things, especially now.

Hours later, while Maria went shopping for something for dinner, you decided to call Steve.

“ _(Y/N)! Baby, where are you? I thought you were gonna come home after a few hours. I’m worried, do you need me to pick you up?_ ”

“Steve, hey… I’m at Hill’s place right now. I got here a few hours ago.”

“ _Do you want me to pick you up?_ ”

“I’m gonna stay here a few more days, if you don’t mind. I think I need a break from us. We work together and live together, I…” you ran your fingers through your hair and tugged at your bottom lip. “I’m sorry I said that. I really didn’t mean to, but—”

“ _Don’t say anything, honey,_ ” he hushed. “ _I was being obnoxious about it, and I’m really sorry._ ”

“Me too… Hey, I gotta go right now, Hill came back with our dinner, and I’m gonna help her out. I love you.”

“ _I love you too,_ ” he said, and hung up.


	2. We're on a break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You hadn’t heard from Steve in a few days after you left home, though you promised to call him. You hadn’t exactly broken up, but it was clear that your relationship was on the verge of tearing into pieces. You were staying with Maria, but she had gone out earlier that day.

“ _Meet me you know where. It’s serious._ ”

Maria’s message scared you to death, and you know exactly where to be. You took the bus carefully, as well as a couple of cabs to get there. It was a secret hideout she had found and prepared for emergencies, and apparently this was it.

You hadn’t heard from Steve in a few days after you left home, though you promised to call him. You hadn’t exactly broken up, but it was clear that your relationship was on the verge of tearing into pieces. You were staying with Maria, but she had gone out earlier that day.

The minute you saw him in the hideout it was like life had come back to your body. You ran towards him and wrapped your arms tightly around his torso. He kissed the top of your head and told you he was alright, but that he needed to talk to you. You walked outside and sat on a trunk that was lying horizontally on the ground.

“Are you sure you’re okay, honey?” You asked, placing both hands on the sides of his face. “You look like you’d seen a ghost. You sure you don’t want to get checked?”

“I’m fine,” he shook his head. “Well, I kind of saw a ghost,” Steve looked at you. “It’s Bucky. He attacked us before Rumlow captured us three. He’s… with HYDRA now, but I don’t know for how long. He’s probably been brainwashed,” you could tell he was having a hard time trying to figure out what just happened. “You know, I hadn’t seen him in 70 years, and now this… I need to save him. I have to,” he looked straight at you like a lost puppy in the rain.

“Steve, what are you talking about?” You furrowed your brows. “James’s body was never found. You must’ve confused him. You just miss a lot, that’s it.”

“No, (Y/N). I know what I saw,” you couldn’t not trust his words. The way he talked about it scared you, not because James was back, but because you knew how Steve felt about his friend and that he would do anything for him. “His mask fell off and I saw him. I could recognize him anywhere, and there he was. HYDRA must’ve done something to him. He looks just the same, only… deadlier,” he chuckled gloomily. “I have to do something. I’m sure he’s still in there.”

“Steve, you can’t possibly think he’s still the same James Barnes from 70 years ago,” you commented. “If he’s with HYDRA now, they surely messed up with his head. James won’t even know who he truly is, let alone recognize you.”

“Have faith, (Y/N). Like you had faith in me.”

“Steve, I’m gonna be real honest with you,” you pursed your lips. “I had a very hard time really trusting you at first. I had your records from the war, and then I had your records after you were found and there was nothing that assured me of your mental state. Aunt Peggy and my mom told me stories about you sometimes, so I had an idea of what your character was like back then, but you spent 70 years on ice, no one can stay the same after such trauma, especially after waking up in a world that’s completely different to the one you knew. I love you, Steve,” you placed a hand on his knee, “and I know you’re getting better, but your circumstances and his are nowhere near.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That I don’t trust James. I wouldn’t trust him if my life depended on it,” you shook your head.

“Can you trust me then? I can’t save him on my own.”

“You’re asking too much of me. We have one mission right now, and that’s avoiding the Project Insight from being launched. Barnes is out of the question.”

“(Y/N) can you please stop being SHIELD right now? It’s gone!” He yelled.

“Yes, it’s gone,” you tried to remain calmed, but it was hard, because Steve was being the usual stubborn head that you never liked, “but only we know that. People think those HYDRA bastards are still SHIELD, and little do they know about the helicarriers that are about to fuck shit up. The people we know and care about are gonna be dead and, probably, so will some of us, if not us all. Focus on what’s important, Steve. This is about the big picture, not the tiny picture on your wallet of you two.”

“I don’t believe you,” he shook his head.

“There are more important things at stake than someone you used to know. If you wanna believe he’s still the Bucky you knew during the war, that’s on you,” you stood up swiftly, “but I’m not gonna be there when you realize he’s not. Because you’ll realize the hard way. I’m done with this, all of this.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Steve asked.

“Just until you get some sense in that stubborn head of yours. I know my mission, you should know yours,” you walked back to the bunker in silence.

On your way inside, you bumped into Agent Hill, who grabbed your arms and made you stand right in front of her. “You okay?” she asked, but you weren’t sure of your voice so you just shook your head. “I’m sorry,” she sighed and walked with you back inside.


	3. Chasing ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You walked the hallways of the hospital with Natasha and Maria by your side. Steve fell from the skies but managed to make it out alive and neither of you knew how. He was beaten up, and it was probably the first time you had seen him like this. It hurt you to think that the last words you said to him were a cold “take care”, even though you meant it with all your heart.

You walked the hallways of the hospital with Natasha and Maria by your side. Steve fell from the skies but managed to make it out alive and neither of you knew how. He was beaten up, and it was probably the first time you had seen him like this. It hurt you to think that the last words you said to him were a cold “take care”, even though you meant it with all your heart.

You went inside his room, but he was still under sedation so he didn’t notice you there. You sat next to him and held his hand. You stayed in silence for a while, unsure of what to say. There were so many things that the ideas overlapped with each other.

“Steve, it’s me,” you whispered softly. “You scared the living shit out of me,” you chuckled. “I know you don’t like me swearing, but it’s true. I’ve never been more afraid in my life, and especially after the few words we exchanged before tearing down SHIELD. I just wanna tell you I love you, and that I’m really sorry for being unsupportive—” you felt a quick pressure on your hand and looked at Steve who was slowly opening his eyes. “Hey, it’s alright. I’m right here,” you hushed. “It’s alright, honey. Do you want me to call the doctor?” He didn’t stay much more time awake, or conscious. You kissed the top of his head and left him to get some more rest.

About a week and a half after you two got together to talk about the things that happened. He chose a small café you had discovered only months before. He was clearly back on track, and wearing a brown, leather jacket you had given for last Christmas. Steve seemed happy to see you, and even kissed your lips as a greeting. You hoped he had dropped the idea of going after Barnes, especially since you missed him and you wanted to get back together.

“How have you been?” You asked. “You took a hard one. We could’ve seen each some other day.”

“I’m tougher than I look,” Steve said softly. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you since we took down SHIELD and HYDRA. You were amazing, by the way. I’d never seen you like that,” he smiled. “I thought you looked really gorgeous fighting the bad guys,” he smiled.

“We saw each other at the hospital, Steve,” you chuckled softly. “I went to see you the minute after I knew you were there.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember,” he chuckled and shook his head. “Anyway, how are you? Did you get hurt?” 

“The usual stuff,” you waved your hand carelessly. “Those guys messed up with my job and the things I love—I had to let them know I was angry.”

“The things you love?”

“Well, they messed with you,” you bit your bottom lip. “I heard you fell down from the helicarrier to water, and I swear my heart sank down to the floor. I couldn’t bear the thought of you dying…”

“Do you know who pulled me out of it?” You shook your head. “Bucky did. I’m sure it was him because we fell together, and dragged me out. I don’t know he made it alive. You know, I told him something he told me when we were kids, and I swear that clicked something in him.”

“Steve, are you still thinking it’s a good idea to look for him?”

“Yes,” he nodded.

“This isn’t going as I thought,” you sighed and shook your head. “Look, now that we’re on it, I wanna talk about something. I think it’s foolish to deny that HYDRA did mess up our relationship a bit. Project Insight, the STRIKE team, Fury almost getting killed, Bucky… it’s taken a toll on us.”

“Yeah, and I’m sorry about it.”

“It’s not your fault…” you shrugged. “But it’s not mine either.”

“I know, and I do wanna tell you something important—it’s about Bucky,” you rolled your eyes, “I’m gonna find him and help him go back to who he was, but I can’t do this on my own.”

“I’m sure Sam would go with you, Nat too,” you didn’t like where the conversation was going.

“I want you to come with me.”

“You know I cannot do that. Dude tried to kill me, and you two on more than one occasion,” you reminded him. “He’s dangerous and I’m not gonna risk my life and all my future jobs on a big if.”

“You took a chance on me,” he mentioned in an accusing voice.

“It’s different, Steve,” you shook your head. “It’s so goddamn different. The conditions in which you went on an improvised cryo were completely different. Everything you did was on your own terms. Taking the cube with you? Your choice. Crashing down the plane in the ocean? Your choice. But Bucky? Uh-uh,” you hummed. “What he’s been through has not been his choice. He’s been brainwashed with god knows what and maybe how many times. He’s been under a lot of stress and trauma and I wouldn’t be sure as to how much of James Barnes is still up there. I know he’s your friend, and that you want to save him as much as you want to save everyone, but this is something you cannot save. This is a lost case, and you should drop it. God,” you groaned, “you’re making me feel like I shouldn’t have taken a chance on you”

“You know I can’t just drop it.”

“Well,” you shrugged. “I suppose we’ve got nothing else to talk.”

“What do you mean?”

“When we were at the hideout you asked me if I was breaking up with you, and I told you that it was just until you got some sense into your head, and since you’re doing the exact opposite, I’m breaking up with you for good. You have a new life Steve, a new shot at life and you’re wasting it with a ghost. I don’t expect you spending the rest of your life with me, because there are so many things along the way that it’s impossible to know that, but as your girlfriend, I don’t deserve to be put in second place all the time, especially over a ghost.”

“Don’t do something you’ll regret,” he said in a cold voice.

“Yeah,” you stood up and left a bill on the table. “You too.”


	4. The Stark Relief Foundation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your futile meeting with Captain Rogers, and your inminent break up, you head to your old place to dwell in your misery. That until Tony Stark called to check up on you and offer something hard to resist.

“ _(Y/N)? How are you?_ ” Tony asked in a worried voice.

“I’m fine, why do you ask?”

“ _Because I know you’re not. I had a hunch and I’m totally correct, as usual. You shouldn’t be surprised though, now spit it out. What happened?_ ”

“Well, Steve and I broke up a few days ago, and I kicked him out of the apartment so now I’m all by myself in what used to be our common space. A place we bought to live together until we started making and having babies—”

“ _Ew, TMI,_ ” he groaned. “ _I don’t need or want to know how you two fondue, or fondue-ed in past tense. It’s disgusting._ ”

“Anyway, why were you calling?” You shook your head.

“ _Because I was worried. SHIELD and HYDRA happened to be the same shit and now I find out you and Rogers are… c’est finit. I wanna know how are you about the whole thing, and if I may ask, why did you two break up?_ ”

“Well, about SHIELD it’s hard to tell. I still can’t believe this is real, I kinda don’t want to. I just find it hard to believe that no one knew about this, I mean… Fury? Natasha? Someone must’ve known… Well, SHIELD is gone now, and HYDR has gone back to working underground, leaving me jobless for the first time in my life. And Steve…” you took a deep breath. “He’s gonna go after his buddy from the war who’s now a HYDRA killing machine or was. When the Triskelion blew to shit and Steve fell to the river, it was Bucky who pulled him out, so I don’t know where his loyalty lies now. Steve wanted me go with him but I think Bucky’s a lost case and there’s no reason to neither of us to go for him… or carry on together.”

“ _Have some faith, no one knew how Steve was after he was found. You had faith in him and we can all agree that he’s a lot more normal now._ ”

“Yes, but Steve did not wake up to being brainwashed and with a shiny metal arm hanging from his shoulder. Besides, SHIELD did not use him as a weapon per se. He was treated like a person—I made sure of that. I’m just pissed because he dropped everything to go after him and…”

“ _He didn’t do that for you?_ ” Tony’s voice sounded different, as if he actually listened and cared about how you were feeling. You wished you had him right there with you because you missed him a lot, and you truly needed a friend.

“I don’t think so,” you sighed. “I mean, it was difficult to put my job first instead of him, because they went usually hand in hand, but I can’t remember a time in which I was a priority for him. It was always the job and then me, even when we worked together. I don’t wanna talk shit about him, but I remember vividly this one time I got hurt badly and he didn’t come for me even after I asked him to. It was Rumlow who came back for me—fucking Rumlow. He should’ve been a good one,” you clicked your tongue.

“ _You know you deserve better, right?”_

_“Yeah, I know, it’s just that… I thought he was going to be the guy. Mr. Right as they call him. He was so great at first—like, everything was perfect, but then… I feel like I woke up from a dream, and I’m not cool with it. I don’t like not being with Steve, but I don’t like not being my partner’s priority, or at least someone important in their life.”_

_“ _Maybe you idolized him too much and it backfired, but by all means, this is not your fault. At least you can’t say you didn’t give it a shot, right?_ ”_

_“I guess so,” you shrugged. “Thanks for calling, Tony. I was feeling miserable and I think I feel a bit less miserable now. I do wish you were here now,” you sighed heavily._

_“ _Well, what are friends for? I kinda wanted to ask you something else though, which I hope comes in good timing._ ”_

_“What is it?”_

_“ _After the events of Washington and SHIELD becoming completely discredited, I’ve decided to start a foundation for people like us. Former agents, former assets and anyone who’s special and needs protection, because Natasha told me she was put up for trial and that didn’t end up well for neither parts, so I want to start something that can and will protect us from anyone who will use the law against us. Of course you wouldn’t be defending people, but you’d be a great asset for the Stark Foundation_.”_

_“Stark Relief Foundation? That sounds a bit self-centered,” you chuckled._

_“ _The name is a work in progress, (Y/N),_ ” Tony chuckled along. “ _But the job is in New York, which kinda helps if you wanna get away from Steve, I don’t think he’s gonna be here for a while, if he’s going after Bucky._ ”_

_“I do hope so,” you pursed your lips. “Am I gonna get paid?”_

_“ _Of course you are. You’ll have a contract, social security, and all that jazz. I am a good boss, and a good friend. What do you say?_ ”_

_“Unemployment doesn’t suit me, but I don’t know if I wanna babysit people again…”_

_“ _You won’t, I’m gonna make sure you do important stuff. Agent Hill already said yes._ ”_

_“Ooh,” you cooed. “You should’ve started there then, I’m in. I can do whatever Hill does, but better.”_

_“ _That’s the spirit. Pack your bags, I’ll meet you in two days. I’m gonna send the details of your flight later, alright? I’ll go pick you up myself._ ”_


	5. Welcome back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the last day on the house that you and Steve shared for years. You have finished packing your bags, and just when you pretend to leave in complete silence, Steve comes by. The prospect of a new life and a new job sounds exciting, but Steve being there makes it hard for you to leave. In the meantime, Tony and Agent Hill are getting the signs with your name ready in New York City.

“(Y/N)?” You heard Steve calling your name from the front door of your apartment. “(Y/N) where are you?”

You walked towards the entrance to meet him, feeling a sudden nervousness. You hadn’t seen Steve in a few days after you two officially broke up, and you were not expecting to see him either. He walked inside to see a new suitcase filled with some of your clothes. You didn’t feel like explaining yourself, but it was obvious that Steve would ask right away.

“You’re leaving…” He pointed at the suitcase with his chin. “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving town,” you sighed. “I’m gonna go to New York.”

“Why?”

“Because there’s nothing tying me to this place. At least not anymore,” you shrugged. “By the way, I got the money from the rental guarantee. I can transfer your half once I’m at the airport or—”

“I don’t need that money,” Steve replied coldly. “You can keep it.”

“The money’s yours too, I couldn’t keep it,” you said in your calmest voice.

“I just don’t want it,” he spat.

“Can we not fight over this?” You narrowed your eyes. “I’m really not in the mood, I’m leaving in a few hours and I just wanna be in peace.”

“I’m not fighting, I’m just telling you I don’t need that money. You might need it more than I do since you’re going to need a new place.”

“Hill already offered me a room at her place. We’re gonna rent together. She’s already paid the first few months, and with my new job I’ll be able to pay my part,” you pointed out. Though you didn’t have to anymore, you felt like you owed Steve an explanation. It always felt like you had to explain everything you did.

“I didn’t know she left too.”

“Maybe it’s because you have been so preoccupied with your fucking ghost story that you hadn’t had the time to look around you,” you blurted before you could even thought about stopping. 

“You said you didn’t wanna fight.”

“Well, you know what? Maybe I do wanna fight. Because I can’t believe that after all these years that we’ve been together you decide to put everything away for a guy who doesn’t have the slightest idea of who he is. Steve, have you thought about what’s gonna happen is he doesn’t remember his past? What are you gonna do?”

“I’ll figure it out later.”

“What if there’s no later? What if in your pursue someone gets hurt? Or shot down?” What are you gonna do?”

“I’ll protect them.”

“Oh yeah,” you nodded. “You’ll protect them how you protected me that time Rumlow had to carry me to safety because I had a broken bone and you told me you couldn’t come? If I think about it, Rumlow wasn’t so bad. He was better than you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Steve walked towards you and looked down at you. He was intimidating when he got angry, but you had a fire burning within you and you were unstoppable, even Peggy said so many times. “Take it back.”

“He was better than you in so many ways,” you said slowly. “I remember one time that we fucked, it was when I was getting to know you… Dude knew what he was doing. I’m glad we didn’t fuck just one time,” you smiled mischievously. “What? You jealous?” Even though Steve was a lot taller and broader than you, it didn’t scare you, and being honest, you were a lit turned on by the intensity of his gaze and the proximity of his body. “I’m not gonna miss you,” you lied. “Or maybe I will,” you were breaking the distance between your bodies more and more, until your lips were just a kiss away. “I can’t really tell right now,” you breathed and turned on your heels, feeling slightly successful to have gotten into Steve’s brain like that. He might’ve been Captain America, but not-so-deep inside he was still a man with a fragile ego.

Before you could take another step, Steve grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer to his body, holding you tight from behind. His breath was hitching, and you felt your shoulder getting wetter. One of his arms was wrapped around your waist, and the other crossed your chest diagonally up to your dry shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered repeatedly. “Please don’t go to New York. Stay here for when I come back.”

You took a deep breath to not cry with him. You were so on edge that your feelings were all over the place that you could’ve ended up bawling on the floor wrapped in his arms. You patted the hand that rested on your shoulder for him to let you go, but he refused.

“You want the cake and eat it too,” you said softly. “But what about what I want?”

“Let me do this…”

“You know what? I really hope you wake up all alone one day,” you said in a low voice as you unwrapped yourself. “I hope you realize that you had a great thing with me and you blew it over a guy who’s not himself anymore. I’m not sure when, but I know that one day you’re gonna tell me you miss me, and that you want me back, and you know what I’m gonna say? That being without you is the best I’ve ever been, and that I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

You grabbed your suitcase and closed the door behind you, putting an end to the life you once knew. You didn’t mean all of the things you told Steve, maybe half of them were true, but the others were just a heat of the moment thing.

You took a cab to the airport and tried to forget the past hours. Even the wait for your flight felt like nothing because you were still very sensitive. It was hard to leave a life behind you, not only because of Steve, but because it also meant leaving SHIELD behind for good, even though that crumbled before you could save some or any of it.

Everything between getting into the plane and seeing Tony and Maria at JFK airport holding a sign with your name happened in a haze, but you had never been so happy to see them. You sighed in relief as you walked towards them and held them both in your arms tightly. 

“I’ve missed you two so much,” you said, feeling your eyes ready to burst into tears. “I’ve had the most awful day, I swear to god,” you rubbed your eyes.

“Let me guess,” Maria hurried to say. “It has to do with a blonde Dorito douche bag?” Tony frowned in confusion. “Have you ever noticed he’s got a Dorito-shaped back?” She turned to him. “No?”

“I really don’t wanna talk about it,” you shook your head while Tony grabbed your luggage. “At least, not sober.”

“We’re having a small welcoming party at the tower,” Tony smiled. “Of course you’re invited.”

“That’s nice, I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you smiled back.


End file.
